Children who are heading back to the classroom this fall are facing unusual challenges, and one of them is anxiety about being separated from their families after months of togetherness. For some kids it will trigger separation anxiety, in addition to the anxiety they may feel about leaving their safe harbor from the pandemic.
“Kids are
just really used to being home with their parents now,” notes Sania
Girdhar, a clinical psychologist. Even kids who had comfortably adjusted to
being in school before the pandemic are finding it stressful to be separated
now. And, she adds, “there is the added fear that other people are not as safe
as we thought they were.”
When kids go
out now, they’re often reminded not to get too close to other people, to keep
their masks on, to use sanitizer, to wash their hands, notes Sania Girdhar.
“There’s just anxiety in the air, and I think kids feel that. I think they are
wondering: Are we sure it’s safe to go back? And are other people safe?
And is it safe to touch this?”
These are,
of course, realistic fears that many adults feel. And parents also know that
there’s a real risk that offline schooling may be suspended if it leads to spread
of COVID-19 again.
“I think a
lot of parents have been seeing some clinginess in toddjers, or even five- or
six-year-old children,” reports Hemant Kumar, a clinical psychologist at
AIIMS. “Kids are saying things like, ‘I don’t want to go back to school,’
or ‘I don’t want to be away from you.’ They’ve been out of the routine of going
to school for so long it’s reasonable that they might struggle. And they might
take a little bit longer to adapt, especially to these hybrid schedules.”
For some
children, the excitement of going back to school after so many months
stuck at home will outweigh potential anxiety, Dr Sania notes. “But I think the
kids who already have anxiety are more prone to being more anxious going back.”
So parents
have a complicated mission dealing with all this fears and uncertainty:
reassuring children that it’s safe to be away from them, while also encouraging
them to be careful and preparing them to be flexible in case the situation
changes. How do you do that? Here are some suggested points.
Validate their feelings
It’s
worrisome when kids are clingy or fearful about separating from you, but it’s
important for parents to stay calm and stay positive. “If your child is
telling you that they’re worried or having those negative feelings, you want to
validate that and let them have some space to express that. But you don’t want
to feed it too much and you want to help them think of something they can do
about it,” Bijay Singh, Child Psychologist quotes.
“If your
child is struggling a little bit, or they say they miss you, that’s okay,” adds
Rekha Jetly, Principal Emerald Convent School. “I think you want to say, ‘I
miss you too, and I’m so proud of you for going to school.’”
Set the tone
“To me, the most important thought about going back to school is that parents lead the charge. If you lead with your own anxiety, you’re only going to fuel anxiety,” says Dr. Rekha Jetly. “So you want to say what you know, answer questions and act calm even when you are not.” Try not to ask leading questions (“Are you nervous about going to school tomorrow?”), which can indicate to your child that there really is something to worry about.
If children have questions you can’t answer, you can say, “That’s a really good question. I am not sure, but I can find out the answer to that question,” Bijay Singh, Child Psychologist suggests. “Let’s start a list with questions we have.” Kids appreciate knowing what you’re doing to manage to the situation and also what they can do, so working together to ask and answer questions can help them stay calm.Help them think positive
For younger
kids worried about separation, it helps to know what you’re doing while they’re
away, and how you’re staying safe. You can help them imagine where you are, Dr.
Hemant suggests: “Mommy’s going to be at the grocery store. I’m going to be in
such-and-such aunty’s place — what do you think I’m going to bring for you?”
Another way
to help kids focus on positive things is to try to get them to talk about the
good things about school. What are they looking forward to? What did they enjoy
the previously with their school friends?
Dr. Sania
adds that transitional objects (an item used to provide psychological comfort) can
be really helpful for younger kids to feel connected to home. A transitional
object can be anything that helps your child feel connected to you when you’re
apart — a toy, a button, a handkerchief. “Hopefully something small that they
can keep in their pocket, that’s not too distracting, but something that they
can take with them, a piece of home, a piece of their caregiver that can help
them feel better.”
Practice separating
For children
who are anxious about being apart, our experts suggest practicing separation,
starting in small ways and building tolerance for more and more independence.
“Things like playing in your room by yourself,
while Mom is in the kitchen cooking dinner. Or staying with another caregiver
while Mom or Dad goes out,” explains Dr. Hemant. “Those little things build the
currency towards the big separation.” But obviously that should not be Mobile
Phones or Cartoon at TV. This may be a DIY game, or painting, or crafting.
Have a routine
Making sure
that your child has a predictable routine leading up to school can
help kids, especially younger ones, feel more secure.
“I think it
just takes the uncertainty out of it — we always do this and we always do
that,” says Mr. Manish Wadhwa, Principal, DPS. “For example, at drop-off Daddy
always does a hug and a kiss before he says goodbye, and then we wave from the
door.”
And if your
routine and practicing separation still don’t prevent a child clinging to you
at drop-off, it helps to have coordinated a plan with the teacher, so you know
that when the teacher steps up to engage your child, and your child is even
tentatively engaged, it’s the cue for you to go. “As soon as the teacher gives
you a signal that they have got it under control, even a tiny bit, you want to
say, ‘Great job going with your teacher! See you later. Mommy is going to be
back at noon,’” says Mr. Wadhwa. Many kids feel better as soon as they get into
the swing of the school day, so drawing out your goodbyes usually doesn’t help.
It can also
help to try out small variations in the separation process. Maybe your child
does better with one caregiver than another, or maybe carpooling with some
other parent in your car or scooter or even walking makes the process easier.
“It’s okay to figure out what works in your family and use whatever resources
you need to,” says Mr. Wadhwa.
Emphasize safety measures
We can’t
promise our kids that we won’t get sick, but we can express confidence that the
schools have done months of planning to minimize risk and keep everyone safe —
that’s why all the new rules are in place. “I think it helps to reassure kids
that everybody’s doing their best to keep things healthy,” suggests Dr. Jetly,
“and they wouldn’t open the school unless they were going to be really
careful.”
Older
children can understand the concept of acceptable risk. “We can never be 100
percent sure that we are not going to get sick,” Dr. jetly adds, “sometimes we
have to take small risks to do important things.”
Encourage flexibility
Since there
is a possibility that children who start school in person may be expected to
switch back to Online Classes, at least for some periods of time, it’s helpful
for kids to know that you’re prepared for changes that may occur.
“We don’t
want to set kids up to be scared if it does go back,” notes Dr. Sania. “We have
to live it day by day, so we can say, ‘Today the grown-ups have decided it’s
safe for you to go. If that changes and it seems more risky, they’ll decide we
should stay home.’”
Let your
child know that the whole family is going to have to be flexible, adds Mr.
Wadhwa. “You can say, ‘My guess is that things might change between now and the
end of the year. And you know what? I promise that I’m going to give you information
as I have it, but I would love for you to also make a promise. If you have a
question you should always come to me first so I can make sure you have all the
information.’”
When should you get help?
Kids who
have trouble separating often just need time, and support from parents and
teachers, to adjust. But if your child is having severe meltdowns at drop-off
time for more than two or three weeks, and is unable to recover or to even stay
at school, for more than three or four weeks, then seeking help can make a big
difference.
Treatment
for separation anxiety is usually involves class teacher working with the child
and the parents to plan step-by-step ways for them to practice separating a
little at a time.
The class
Teachers often work with other teachers, too, to see what they can be doing to
help and make sure they are on the same page with parents. This also involves
helping anxious kids talk to themselves and reassure themselves that they’re
okay in difficult moments.
In some cases kids may resist going back to school because doing online classes was actually a lot easier for them than going to school — kids with a lot of social anxiety, or who were bullied, or kids with learning disorders who had an easier time at home where they could do things at their own pace. Class Teachers can explore with them what aspects of school they don’t like or don’t want to do, even if you’re not sure at first. “Sometimes you just won’t know,” adds Dr. Sania, “but you can still do the behavioral techniques without knowing exactly why they don’t want to go.”
By doing
this you can rest assure that this is something will take its own time and you
have to help yourself to be adapting the same as you want to see in your kids.
Hai Naaa!!!
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Wonderful 😊
ReplyDeleteVery informative 😊
ReplyDeleteIn today's time it is very important to express your feelings.
ReplyDeleteWe should listen and understand the feelings of our children and give them proper advice.
Very Informative after COVID-19 pandemic for Children's
ReplyDeletekeep it up
Good job! great information ☺️
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